Kintsugi (金継ぎ; /kɪnˈtsuːɡi/) is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the cracks with lacquer mixed with gold, silver, or platinum. The cracks and missing pieces stay visible, and the damage becomes the whole point.
This post, like many other things I think about, was born as a shower thought – a time where I let my poor fucking ADHD brain wander while listening to nature sounds or a podcast or something. This time, I was listening to episode #422 of The Strong Stoic Podcast by Brandon Tumblin titled "You’ve Never Seen What You’re Truly Capable Of".
I don't want to spoil it too much (as you should give it a listen yourself), but in a nutshell – this episode explores how we often underestimate and undervalue ourselves, revealing that life's challenges uncover a hidden reserve of strength beyond our own perceived limits.
“If you have nothing to stir you up and rouse you to action, nothing which will test your resolution by its threats and hostilities; if you recline in unshaken comfort, it is not tranquillity; it is merely a flat calm.”
― Seneca, Letters from a Stoic
Last year, just before the birth of my second son I got laid off from Forter for reasons that are not my own creation. I was fucking furious at the bullshit I was fed at the hearing, but ultimately excited at what I thought lay ahead.
Unfortunately, fate was far from done with reshaping me and in November of 2025 I was also laid off from TRMNL because of a misalignment in expectations. Again, reasons which were not my own doing.
Then, earlier this year in March I found a new job, which was mostly a consequence of spraying-and-praying rather than a calculated decision. In retrospect, this job was abso-fucking-lutely terrible in general, and for me specifically. And so, just earlier this month, on July 3rd was my last day there too – I got laid off for the third time, in the span of one fucking year.
And I'm leaving out personal and family things – which were sometimes equally, if not more difficult for me.
“Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what's left and live it properly. What doesn't transmit light creates its own darkness.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Each time I was fired, each "stop" in my journey, created new and widened the existing cracks. Then, July of 2026 shattered parts of me. What little control I foolishly thought I had was broken.
I found myself questioning myself, my choices and the things I thought I want to pursue for myself. I let things get under my skin.
Naturally, this time around was no different – there was rejection, and there was "grief". Thankfully, I now possess the mental fortitude to not let these events take me down a spiral, or rollercoaster – depending on how you fuckin' look at it. So this time, the process lasted much less.
Instead of letting the event (and everything else that fucking led to it) break me down in a bad way, depress me and put false thought in my head, it just reminded me...
I do not control anything. Not anymore. Not ever. And that is a beautiful thing.
“When force of circumstance upsets your equanimity, lose no time in recovering your self-control, and do not remain out of tune longer than you can help. Habitual recurrence to the harmony will increase your mastery of it.”
― No fucking clue, but not Seneca
This was my "reserve tank" moment. I was forced to discover and to tap into my reserves by nature, by life. I got comfortable, and I was forced out of this comfort zone.
I chose to learn things and push myself in new directions, to enjoy the time I was "given" and focus on my family, to teach others a bit about the things I know a little bit about, to explore my thoughts and ideas, or in short – to be me.
For a very long time I was going with the flow, and shaped by the places I worked at. I appreciate both the good and the bad experience I was given, as now I know more about what I want, and can take more steps to forge my own path.
“We should live with the conviction: I wasn't born for one particular corner: the whole world's my home country.”
― Seneca
I am not just a support engineer. I wasn't born for this one fucking particular corner. I can choose what I want to do.
And so, since June, when I basically knew I was about to get fired, I started looking for a new job. Actually, a new career. And I have created a lot of things along the way.
I have started a Human Kintsugi process for myself.
lisn– Private Vibe-Coded Lightweight multi-speaker transcription for Apple Siliconsixwhyo– A six-year-old code reviewer who's not afraid to ask "why?" about everything.hex– Private Vibe-Coded ADHD executive assistant Telegram bot.hajimeObsidian Mode – Deeper integration with Obsidian, allowing note relationships in the generated static website.boku– Lots of things were fixed and added in the latest release of Bokukankei– Lightweight markup used byhajimeholos– Private Vibe-Coded ("voice" in Ukrainian) Automated transcription -> translation -> dubbing pipeline for YouTube videos.
These are my cracks, filled with new ideas, new projects and a new direction because fuck staying just a broken support engineer.
If you take anything from this, take the inspiration from Brandon's podcast episode: Things will happen. You're powerless to fight them, but more powerful than you give yourself credit for to handle and learn from them.
Will I find what I'm looking for? Time will tell. I might work at a job I'm less suited for while I search for something better. But it doesn't define who I am, nor does it mean that I'm fuckin' doomed.
“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity”
― Seneca